Category: Humor

Eric and the Dread Gazebo

For every gamer who has had an overly serious teammate, here is The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo.

…In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran “his game,” and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer.

Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed’s game. He was on some lord’s lands when the following exchange occurred:

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CNN’s 101 dumbest business moments

I love these worst of kinds of lists. Although there are a lot of things that are just the results of plans not going as expected, there are always a few really amazing blunders. So to see what bad business moves have been made by others, check out CNN’s 101 dumbest moments in business (here’s the obligatory shorter link as well).

#9) A computer glitch in the tax rolls of Porter County, Ind., causes the valuation of a house in the city of Valparaiso to shoot up from $122,000 to $400 million – boosting its annual property taxes from $1,500 to $8 million. Though the county’s IT director spots the mistake and alerts the auditor’s office, the wrong number nonetheless ends up being used in budget calculations, resulting in a $900,000 shortfall for the city and a $200,000 gap for its schools.

#11) In August, Starbucks directs baristas in the southeastern United States to e-mail a coupon for a free iced coffee to friends and family members. But e-mail knows no geographic boundaries and, worse, can be printed repeatedly.

After the e-mail spreads to every corner of the country and is reproduced en masse, Starbucks yanks the offer, leading disgruntled customer Kelly Coakley to file a $114 million class-action lawsuit.

#24) In April, just nine months after a Business 2.0 cover story trumpets the wisdom of Raytheon CEO William Swanson and his folksy hit book, Swanson’s Unwritten Rules of Management, a San Diego engineer makes a shocking discovery: 17 of Swanson’s 33 rules are similar – and in some cases identical – to those in The Unwritten Rules of Engineering, a 1944 text by UCLA professor W.J. King.

While conceding that he failed to give proper credit, Swanson insists he didn’t intend to plagiarize, suggesting that old photocopied material may have wound up in his “scraps.”

By way of punishment, Raytheon’s board freezes Swanson’s salary at its 2005 level of $1.1 million and cuts his restricted stock grant by 20 percent.

And 98 others. Well worth reading at least a few, but I know reading them all can be a bit time consuming. (via Bill at DQ).

[tags]Dumbest moments in business[/tags]

Tom Rhodes – comic genius

Looooong ago, I used to watch comedians on TV.  That was pretty much before I got married – my wife just doesn’t care to watch comics on TV.  One of the very funny guys I remember watching is Tom Rhodes.  Since I heard him on XM Radio yesterday and realized he’s still around, I figured I should point him out.  If you like comics, try to track this guy down – his stuff is great.

[tags]Tom Rhodes – great comedian[/tags]

Typos to make t3h funnies for the world

One of my wife’s friends sent her this list of actual typographical errors from church bulletins and newsletters. It seemed too good for me to pass up.

They’re Back! Thank God for churches with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

  • The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The Chronicles of George

I realize there are not many techies left who haven’t read The Chronicles of George, but if you happen to be one of those techies, get over there and read some. This site is a collection of support desk tickets recorded by the hapless site subject, George, as received by one of the techies who had to work them. A lot of identifying information has been removed, but the value of the tickets remains intact with what is left.

Here are some sample tickets – George’s ticket entries are in bold, while the site’s maintainer’s comments are standard text.

[Unknown user] is getting explannation mark on her anti norton virus service

We begin with a lovely example of how George’s tickets usually are. Note the strange spacing, the awful grammar, and general weirdness. However, I can’t fault him terribly over-much, since there are some days I wish we really did have an anti-Norton virus.

[Unknown user] called and said [other user] is havening problems printing ,he says the firing is saying canceled printings.

One of the printers is acting weird. George is typing weird. Note the use of the word “havening”. This is a word that George uses often–hey, at least he’s consistent. I believe “firing” refers to the Fiery printer controllers we have at work, but who the hell knows?

she is getting error message that say undliveriable messages,her hole area cannot send externail emails

Oh, man. This one gets my vote for “Best George Ticket of All Time”. My hole area can’t send e-mails either, but I don’t consider that a problem. Perhaps I’m just different.

My older brother introduced me to The Chronicles of George many, many years ago. I periodically revisit the site just to get some laughs again. The site maintainer also points out that George was born and raised in Houston, TX and is a native English speaker, so you can’t blame this on a foreign language to English issue. Trust me – if you’ve ever worked in tech support, you can appreciate the troubles involved in working these tickets, and will probably get quite a few laughs from them.

[tags]Chronicles of George, The joys of tech support[/tags]

Google and the power of satellite photography

In case you ever wonder just how well we can see from space back onto the planet, check out the Top 10 Naked People on Google Earth to get an idea. It probably won’t be long before these images are even clearer and the subjects possibly identifiable.

Lest you get too excited at the thought of viewing old satellite photos of naked people though, perhaps you should see a sample of just how clear these aren’t currently:

google-toplesssunbathing.jpg

[tags]Naked people via Google Earth, Satellite photos of t3h naked chixx0rz[/tags]

Restroom automation

A cow-orker sent this to me today. I thought it was too funny to not share with all 3 of my overwhelmingly brillaint readers and both my inept social outcast readers, as well. For the 2 inept readers, make sure to click the “More” link below to finish the joke. It’s even less funny if you stop after 2 paragraphs. 🙂

I remember my excitement the first time I saw a restroom faucet with a motion detector. It was like magic. I just waved my hand in front of the sensor and water spat forth. It was like the food replicator on the Star Ship Enterprise, but Version 1.0 that only produces cooty water.

Eventually the soap dispenser caught up. That was less exciting for two reasons: 1) It was just copying the water faucet, and 2) It is exactly how I imagine it would feel if a bird pooped on my hand.

Lately, some paper towel dispensers have joined the action. Activate the sensor and a paper towel presents itself. Scientists have obviously spent a lot of time calculating the proper dimensions for this towel. It’s precisely the size that is too small to be satisfying and yet large enough that you won’t rip the dispenser off the wall, smash it in the sink and grab a big wad of towels from its stinkin’ guts. But you’re tempted.

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