Category: Humor

History of the world according to student bloopers

Way back when I was in college, a friend showed me this assemblage of history that made for a great way to misunderstand the world. I recently saw reference to it elsewhere and decided I should post it here so others might enjoy.

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following “history” of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

. . .

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

. . .

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

. . .

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a sup- posedl insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

[tags]History of the world according to student bloopers[/tags]

Courtroom funnies

A few supposedly true humorous courtroom interrogations for your amusement.

  • Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
  • Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
  • Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk, in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

[tags]Courtroom funnies, Interrogation humor[/tags]

Testing in-game ads via eye tracking

This has to be one of the neatest uses of eye tracking I’ve seen. With the recent increase in real-world advertising in online games, and the talk of advertisers and game distributors working on bringing in more, it seems at least one company has decided to check on the effectiveness of this move. And the results don’t look promising for advertisers or distributors banking on this.

Continue reading “Testing in-game ads via eye tracking”

Sure, the occasional error happens

Mistakes happen. All the time. It’s no big deal. But put together a web site that tracks mistakes in print, and hilarity ensues. I’ve just started reading the site, but some of the media corrections and retractions are side-splitting funny (to my easily amused lazy rear). Go to Regret the error to find such corrections as:

Continue reading “Sure, the occasional error happens”

Shocking story of the day

Thanks again to former cow-orker and sometimes commentor TimG for this story headline:

PlayStation 3 Sales Drop Sharply On Low Supply

Apparently, in the days following the PS3 launch, sales of the console dropped as available supply in stores went down. I guess sometimes those economists realllllly earn their pay. It is doubtful that any of us normal folks could have predicted fewer sales as fewer systems were to be found.

Sales of the PlayStation 3 console during its first full week of availability in Japan were sharply lower than those during the two days immediately following its launch, according to estimates published this week.

. . .

The sharply lower number of consoles sold is likely due to tight supply of the machines.

And there you have it. So if you are taking a course in economics, you might want to ask your professor if sales are likely to go down as supply goes down. It seems this is a trend that might hold true in other markets, and we’d hate to see you surprised in other markets.

[tags]Shocking headline of the day, Sales do not go up as number to be sold goes down[/tags]